


Acute Angel

by MxGryffindorOtaku



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Blankets, Crying, Cuddling, Happy Ending, Hot Chocolate, Hurt/Comfort, It's ok Patton is good at helping, Logan is Bad At Emotions, M/M, Other, Two cookie kinda day, light description of a panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 02:59:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16547537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MxGryffindorOtaku/pseuds/MxGryffindorOtaku
Summary: Very different from acute angle. From a prompt list by @dailypattondoodle on Tumblr. Prompt:  “How, Patton? How do you deal with all of these feelings? It’s so painful,” Logan cried.





	Acute Angel

**Author's Note:**

> Wren said they wanted some Logan angst so I wrote this. It's LARGELY unbeta-ed, but y'know, whatever. Lmk if there are any glarring issues, I suppose.

Hands shaking, knees knocking, and chest heaving, Logan pulled himself step by painful step into the kitchen. He fumbled around in the cabinets until he came away with a plastic water bottle; he toppled in the direction of the sink and caught himself on the edge with his elbow. His trembling fingers wrapped around the tap and he let water pour into the bottle and overflow. He shut off the tap, screwed the top of the bottle on, and sank to the floor in the corner, pressed up against the cabinet doors.

He chugged water, then took ten deep breaths. Chugged water, took ten deep breaths. Water, breathe. Water, breathe. Keep going.

His brain, simply, was completely overloaded. There was too much input- from  _ everywhere. _

He could hear every sound in the darkness of the kitchen, feel every thread of his pyjama pants around his hips, smell every bit of leftover food and discarded garbage- but the worst, the absolute  _ worst _ of it all wasn’t the tangible, real input. No.

It was the  _ emotional _ input.

There was so much noise inside his own head, it was making his heart hurt.

The biggest, most glaring issue with that?  _ Logan wasn’t supposed to have one of those. _

Feelings were strictly  _ not _ his realm of expertise, nor anything he was supposed to have to deal with. That was  _ Patton’s _ thing. He was cold, hard facts, for chrissakes. He didn’t have a  _ heart. _ He didn’t  _ cry. _

Which is why, of course, no one could see this or ever know about it. Logic wasn’t supposed to fall apart. Logic was supposed to be  _ sound. _ Rational.

He finished his water.

Naturally, though, with all of these forbidden situations looming overhead, Logan heard footsteps in the screaming quiet. He shot to his feet, dropped the water bottle on the counter, and ran the tap, splashing cold water onto his face.

He looked up to see Patton, with his pyjama pants slung low across his hips and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, standing in the doorway and blinking at him.

“Hey, Logi-Bear,” he said finally, with a voice that sounded like sleep.

“Hi, Patton,” Logan said carefully, wary of how broken and emotional he sounded. If Patton picked up on it (he did), he also picked up on the fact that Logan did  _ not _ want to talk about it.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” Patton asked, crossing to the fridge and pulling out the carton of milk.

“Guess not,” Logan told him, turning to watch as Patton took down a mug from the cabinet.

“That’s alright.” He held up the mug. “Hot chocolate?”

Logan’s fist slowly started to unclench from around the the edge of the sink. “Please,” he said, grateful for Patton’s graceful navigation of the situation he knew he walked in on.

Even if Patton  _ hadn’t  _ been the most emotional and caring side, he wouldn’t have been able to miss the cracks in Logan’s voice, the tremble of his fingers, and the red of his eyes.

But if Patton  _ hadn’t _ been the most emotional and caring side, Logan was willing to bet this interaction would be a  _ lot _ more forceful and a  _ lot _ more painful. For everybody.

He took down another mug, poured milk into both, and put them in the microwave. While they waited for the beep to go off, he plucked four cookies out of the cookie jar and handed two to Logan with a wink. “I don’t know about you, but it’s been a two cookie kinda day.”

Logan lurched at the subtle offer with open arms and a cookie between his teeth. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asked.

Patton smiled sadly. “Only if you’re willing to listen.”

Logan tore open the little packets of hot cocoa mix and nodded. “Of course I am, Patton.” He took the now-warm milk mugs out of the microwave, poured the mix into them and stirred with a spoon Patton provided. “Would you like to sit?” He gestured to the breakfast bar and it’s chairs, but Patton took his mug and sat down on the ground. Logan, after a beat, joined him, sitting in the same spot he had vacated not four minutes prior.

“Nothing  _ bad _ happened today,” Patton started. “You know that. Everyone got along alright and nothing traumatic happened…”

“But…?” Logan prompted.

“But,” Patton agreed with a soft nod and a sip of his cocoa. “Do you ever just… feel sad? I do. There’s no  _ reason _ for it, but sometimes I just am. It’s okay, but it’s not fun. I guess I’m just a little bit sad tonight.”

“I’m sorry,” Logan said awkwardly.

“Don’t be,” Patton said simply. “It’s not your fault, kiddo. It’s not your responsibility-“

“Why not?”

“Why would it be?” Patton asked innocently. Logan saw through his little game as he was meant to.

“Because… because I care about you,” he confessed. “And when you’re sad, it makes me… uncomfortable.”

“Logan,” Patton said gently. “It’s okay. I promise.”

He cleared his throat and took a long sip of his hot chocolate. Then he tried again. “When you’re sad, it makes me…  _ sad.” _

Patton squeezed his hand and smiled proudly. “You’re more empathetic than you think you are, Logan.”

He sighed and stared down at his mug. “I don’t… I don’t like it.”

Patton laughed bitterly. “Strange that you would. I don’t like it either. Not a lot.”

He hesitated a moment before leaning into Patton and letting his heart be heavy. “It… It hurts. So much-!” His voice cracked and new tears spilled out of his eyes. “How, Patton? How do you deal with all of these feelings? It’s so painful,” Logan cried, looking up at the heart with pleading, helpless eyes.

Patton’s face softened. “Oh, angel…” He whispered, putting an arm around his shoulder and guiding his head into his lap. Patton ran his fingers through Logan’s hair with a gentle and kind certainty. Logan, though frightened and sad, felt incredibly  _ cared for. _ “I… I don’t know, angel,” Patton admitted quietly. “Some days, I really don’t know. I just… try to remember  _ everything, _ not just the bad things. Do you understand?”

“N-No?”

“I… Ah. Well...” Patton hummed for a moment, his fingers beginning to trace little circles behind Logan’s ears. “I… Understand that you don’t think you should feel  _ anything. _ Is that a fair assessment?”

Logan sniffed and buried his head closer against Patton with a nod. “I’m  _ logic, _ Patton. Cold, unfeeling  _ logic.” _

Patton’s hands stilled and slipped around to his cheek and held him up. “No, angel, that’s not true, darling… It really isn’t.”

“How can’t it be?” Logan asked helplessly. “How can I ever hope to be anything other than what I am?!”

Patton’s voice went stern, suddenly, and became somehow unrelenting in its kindness. “In that case, Logan,” he said, “I’m afraid you don’t know your true purpose as well as you think you do.”

Logan blinked slowly. “I don’t… I don’t understand?”

“You are more than- than- than  _ math, _ angel! There is logic in the cold, hard, unfeeling things, yes, but there’s logic in other things too! You can’t regulate yourself to only the kinds of logic which are easiest to understand- to do that would be to sell yourself and your skill set short! There’s logic in  _ everything, _ for the love of god- in nature, there’s logic! But, you may say, nature is a thing of beauty, logic doesn’t belong in a thing of beauty. And that’s where you would be so terribly  _ wrong! _ Nature is both heart-wrenching and thought-provoking. Both beautiful and logical. Do you understand?” Patton halted his little tirade and peered down at the mind hopefully. Logan nodded dumbly and Patton smiled gently. “Good. There is no reason that you can’t be the same- that you aren’t  _ already _ the same. You  _ are _ logical, and you  _ are _ beautiful.

“There’s ugly parts to you, too- just like there’s ugly parts to everyone. Roman and Virgil and me, we all have not great stuff about us, but we’re beautiful at the same time-”

“There’s no ugly parts to you, Patton,” Logan whispered. “Truly, there aren’t.”

Patton smiled and Logan saw a shiny tear slide down his freckled face. “Thank you for saying that, Lo. As untrue as it may be.” Logan opened his mouth to protest (for he truly,  _ truly _ believed that Patton was beautiful through and through), but Patton held up his hand and shushed him. “It’s alright, angel. The point here is this- you think that the emotions you have are the entirety of the ugly part of you. The truth is that they make up so much of your beauty, if you’d just allow yourself to feel them and express them, you’d be able to see that as well as I.”

“I don’t know  _ how,” _ he said. “I just don’t- I don’t-” He broke down crying again and hid his face in Patton’s blanket.

“That’s what I’m here for, darling.” Patton wrapped the blanket tightly around the both of them and pressed a soft hand to Logan’s quivering chest. “Take a deep breath, ok?” He did as he was told without question. “Good, that’s good. Keep doing that. Just keep breathing…” And then there was a sharp, icy feeling in Logan’s heart. He cried out, frightened and confused, but Patton hushed him again and held him still with his eyes. “It’s okay, it’s okay. It might hurt a little bit, but you’re gonna be okay, just keep breathing. Just keep breathing.”

Logan kept breathing. He kept breathing as Patton pulled all of his emotions out of the hidden places he kept them for so long. Patton’s eyes were calm, though somehow regretful, as though seeing Logan in pain distressed him. It likely did.

“Almost done, angel, you’re doing so good…”

The sharpness, suddenly, began to ease up and the iciness began to thaw. Tears still poured out of Logan’s eyes, but they were of a different nature than any he had ever cried. They were almost… happy?

A weightlessness came over him, then, and he found himself laughing at nothing and everything. Patton smiled and laughed with him, finally drawing his hand away from Logan’s chest.

The lightness faded slightly, but the remnants of it didn’t. He watched Patton laugh for a long moment. “Thank you,” he said, finally.

“Of course, my angel.” Patton tucked a stray curl behind his ear and glowed in a shy, happy way. “I can’t do that for you all the time, but… but whenever you’re having a hard time with expressing your feelings- which, we’ve established, you  _ do _ have- just come talk to me, okay?”

“I will. I promise.”

“Good!” Patton leaned his head against Logan’s shoulder and yawed. “Just wanna sleep here?”

Logan smiled at his sleepy heart. His sleepy, kind, beautiful heart who would protect him from himself. Who he trusted without question. “That sounds wonderful.”

“Goodnight, acute angel.”

**Author's Note:**

> Blam! I hope you enjoyed!  
> Check me on Tumblr! @mx-gryffindorotaku  
> Perks of following me on Tumblr include: The ability to yell at me about my unfinished WIPs for as long as you want (Unmarked anyone? *screaming*), First row tickets to all of my two am trying-too-hard shit posts, Becoming mutuals bc honestly what a great concept amirite.


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